The 4 Stages of Adaptation, Stage 3: Settling In
This article, the third in a series, continues exploring the Four Stages of Adaptation model with a discussion of Stage 3, Settling In.
This article, the third in a series, continues exploring the Four Stages of Adaptation model with a discussion of Stage 3, Settling In.
This article covers the third stage of adaptation: Settling In. Be sure to read the articles on this site covering the other three stages:
Settling In is seeing the world for what it is and seeing yourself for who you are. It is moving beyond the intense emotions of Surviving, feeling less of the sense of urgency of Searching, and gaining a greater sense of control and balance in your daily life.
Settling In is a time of more predictable, settled-in living. Settling In is a time of integrating your child's needs into the rest of your life and working to establish a new sense of stability and harmony for yourself and your entire family.
Settling In is a time of shifting perspective about your child's needs. You shift your focus to finding ways to help your child do whatever is possible by using whatever means are available. Here are some attitudes you may notice:
In the Settling In stage you establish some new priorities for your life and for your child's life. Here are some of the ways you may notice this shift happening:
Settling In will also find you feeling more in control in many ways. Signs of this shift include:
Some families are never able to enjoy the feeling of the Settled In stage, or the feeling may be delayed due to certain obstacles. Typical obstacles to Settling In may include:
The Four Stages of Adaptation model was developed by Dr. Nancy Miller, a psychotherapist and social worker. She worked with four moms over a period of five years and distilled their experiences into the book Nobody’s Perfect: Living and Growing with Children Who Have Special Needs. The model came from conversations with the moms, experiences working with families, and the writings of many parents and professionals.
Dr. Miller’s book was published in 1997. It is highly recommended, but as of June 2014 it is not currently in print. Look for it at your local library or used book store, or look for a used copy at online booksellers.